Gazing into the Future (Kobayashi Yui in with November 2020 edition)
At that time, her reticent eyes were focused only on the future.
July 16th. Keyakizaka46’s livestream concert, watched by approximately 300,000 people.
Through varying worldviews from the large-scale stage set assembled in the grand hall of Makuhari Messe, they boldly delivered the message of each song.
Dances, melodies, and harmonies that were synchronized with her emotions. From the center, her gaze was strong, beautiful, and very clear. What is she thinking amidst the waves of change?
Two years on from when her photobook “Kanjou no Kouzu” was shot, we bring you Kobayashi Yui as captured on camera by photographer Suzuki Shin.
T/N: As this is not the typical straight Q&A, Yuipon's words are in bold.
As we stepped out onto the rooftop after finishing shooting indoors, the sun was slowly setting. The stagnant air was warm with a cool breeze. It was the border between day and night, the moment in time between summer and autumn. Photographer Suzuki Shin captured her side profile on camera as she was looking into the distance. Two years on from when her photobook “Kanjou no Kouzu (Composition of Emotions)” was shot, her smiles, her clouded expressions, her earnestness, everything seems to have increased in variety. Perhaps her most eloquent aspect of all, is the look in her eyes.
July 16th. At Keyakizaka’s livestream concert, watched by an estimated 300,000 people in real time, captain Sugai Yuuka announced that the group was to be renamed. As she gave a heartfelt speech looking back on the history of Keyakizaka46, many of the members had tears in their eyes. But she was different. Right behind the captain, she was quietly looking ahead. It was as if she was gazing just moments into the future. Her eyes were clear, but rather than sparkling, there was a subtle shade in them amidst her determination. How beautiful, I thought.
“We learned about the renaming before we started rehearsals for the concert. So it was like we gradually came to terms with the fact as the rehearsals went on.”
At first, she felt reluctant about changing their name.
“I wondered to myself, if there was any way that things could work out without renaming… but a name change doesn’t mean the members will change, and what we should treasure is not our name, but rather our fans, our members, and our music. Then I guess I wondered about the staff members. And that perhaps everything depends on our future activities… Actually, there were quite a few members who thought of renaming as a positive thing.” Once the rehearsals for the concert began, the fears and doubts she had in the beginning went away, and the feeling that ‘let’s do it!’ built up inside her.
“In the beginning, the stage director explained to us what the concert is like and how it is structured, but this time, I could feel the staff’s enthusiasm more intensely than ever before. When I thought about the amount of enthusiasm that they put into creating this together with us, rather than thinking about just ourselves, I wanted to make it a performance that would live up to their expectations. The scale of the stage set was incredible, and even the camera work was something that they thought about without sparing time for sleep. Their enthusiasm to ‘make it good!’ reached us, and we told ourselves that ‘we have to do our best too’.”
As their preparations continued, she began looking forward to the concert from the bottom of her heart. There were a lot of performances that she wanted to do, and it was the first time that she had this much fun in the preparation process.
“We were especially thorough in our rehearsal with the cameraman. This time, we were able to boldly change the stage set from song to song and perform in a way that matched each song’s worldview. It’s because it’s livestreamed that we could do this, and I’m really happy that it all worked out.”
During the concert, she showed a different expression in each song and was completely absorbed in each of the worldviews, but when she came to her senses during the rehearsals, there were times when she thought that she “might end up crying during the concert”.
“But the moment I had a gut feeling that ‘this will work!’ for the concert, was when I knew that I wanted to give a best performance that could rival the impact of the renaming announcement, and since we were going to unveil our new song after the speech, I had a strong desire for the audience to listen to it properly. That’s why I didn’t feel like crying during the actual concert. Hehehe. During the captain’s speech, I was thinking about our next song. It feels lonely that the name Keyakizaka46 will be gone, but I was more interested in knowing how our fans felt looking at us back then. Even if they couldn’t accept the renaming of the group right away, we had to make sure that our fighting spirit and energy could properly reach them.”
How did she deal with the pressure of being the center for many songs?
“Up until now, I haven’t been too confident about being the center, and there was a part of me that came to its own conclusions that ‘I’m not suited to be here’. But these wavering feelings are also reflected in performances. I’ve experienced a lot of things in the past few years, including the Kohaku Uta Gassen where I acted as the center the year before last, so I thought I needed to change my mindset this time and make the most of what I’ve learned so far. Now that I’ve been entrusted with the center position, I have to stand proudly on stage and fulfill my duties. Regardless of how I lack confidence and whether or not I can do it well, I have to lead the members and get the message of the song across to those who are watching.”
It’s been about five years since she made her debut at the age of 16. Her growth as a performer is evident from her performances, but internally, she has also felt a change in mindset over the past year or so.
“I’ve been in touch with the members more often, and… I don't know how to put this, but I feel a bit more settled down than I was as a teenager. This is a world that I’ve always dreamed of being in, so at first I thought I would do my best as the protagonist myself. This mindset gradually faded away while working as a group. I don’t mean this in a negative way, but I came to think that ‘it’s fine even if I’m not playing the leading role myself!’”
She speaks, choosing her words very carefully. But her eyes above the mask continued to look straight at me.
“There’s a part of me that doesn’t like to lose, so I’ve always felt that I could make it work if I tried hard enough. But I guess I’ve come to understand that there are some things that are impossible no matter how hard I try.”
An excellent performer, is someone who is capable of conveying more complex, indescribable emotions than simple joys and sorrows. As she talked about her inner thoughts, she also had a mysterious look in her eyes that was like a mix of loneliness and happiness, as if she was about to cry but was actually smiling. So along with the words that she slowly uttered, I was drawn in by the changes in expression in those eyes. The world of idols is like a place where challenges are constantly given and everyone works together to clear them, or so to speak, like a school without graduation. You come to see things that you couldn’t see before, and accept things that you couldn’t accept before. Kobayashi Yui is someone who lives each day, surprised, confused, and sometimes delighted by the subtle changes in her mind. When the performer’s feelings become clear, the feelings of those of us watching also follow.
When I tell her my thoughts about the concert, “It’s a rare talent to able to immerse yourself in expression to that degree”, she smiles a little sadly as she replies, “Being immersed and such, not thinking about anything, or to have an empty mind, I’m not a genius like that at all”. After the concert, when checking their own footage, it seems that “all I noticed were the bad parts”.
She was so humble about her performances that when I asked her, “Don’t the members ever praise you?”, she looked a little embarrassed and replied softly, “Yes they did, like ‘that was really good’. I was pretty happy about that. There are a lot of members who don’t really say things like ‘this part was great~’ even if that’s what they think. But this time, they told me that they ‘thought it was amazing’”.
“Also, since I think Keyakizaka46’s songs are what our fans have always loved, I want to continue to cherish that worldview going forward. I don’t want to make our fans sad no matter what happens.”
There’s no way I can be sad. After seeing that live performance, I couldn’t help but look forward to seeing what the girls would show us next. It doesn’t matter what the group’s name is. For the past five years, the girls have been carrying the mission of sublimating the pain of their youth into music, and they are prepared to continue carrying it into the future. And at the center of these songs, the performer Kobayashi Yui has always felt conflicted, but has sometimes been enjoying the music.
The coronavirus crisis has also led to changes in her lifestyle outside of performances. And in finding ways to connect with her fans.
“Through the messaging app, I did various projects like singing and dancing. The fact that I started cooking is also a big change. Before that, I used to buy whatever I liked to eat at home and use delivery services, but once I started cooking for myself, I started going to the supermarket more often. I’ve always felt that I wasn’t good at cooking, but I’m surprisingly able to make things looking at the recipe and so it’s been fun. Though I can’t proudly say that ‘I’m cooking for myself!’, as the only ones I’m posting in my blogs and messages are those I made well (laughs).”
She’s been reluctant to talk about her dreams for the future, so I tried asking her, “Have there been more things that you want to do or are aiming for?”, to which she answered “yes” softly. “I felt the frustration of not being able to continue our activities particularly during the self-restraint period… I often thought about things here and there, like ‘I wanted to do more things like this’”.
As for her modeling and acting work, she prefaced it by saying “The focus of my activities is as Kobayashi Yui of Keyakizaka46”, and added, “But while working as an actress as well as a model, I’ve been thinking more and more that I need to separate myself from the fact that I belong to an idol group, and find myself in that space. I think it’s good to have various selves, and I want to live up to my expectations more and play my part as a model and actress”.
When I asked her, “Is your personality of not talking about your dreams still unchanged at the age of 20?”, she muttered, “It would be great though if I could talk about them”, and quietly smiled again.
“What’s most important right now, is making sure the song’s message gets through properly to the audience. That’s the key thing. Entering into that song’s worldview… or being “possessed”, don’t people often say…? That’s not something I can do, so I want to hold the song’s message firmly to my heart, and convey it to our listeners.”
Now, she has something that she wants to convey, and something that she wants to protect. And on top of accepting her clumsiness, she is trying to pour all of her energy into music. She is still in the midst of her youth, and together with the members, is working to move towards the next stage. With clear eyes, looking straight ahead.
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Translation: Cirrus
QC: toomuchidea
Raw @ weibo
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