Kobayashi Yui interview from With magazine's April 2022 edition

The “starting point” that Sakurazaka46’s Kobayashi Yui realized during her 3-month hiatus: “I felt like I was back in middle school, before I started my work”

Ever since she made her debut at the age of 15, she had always thought - the things that she wanted to try, the things that she aspired to do - could all be found in her work. “I want to appear on that show”, “I want to pursue acting”, “I want to learn this kind of expression”. While picturing many dreams, she was completely caught up in chasing them. One day, a shadow was suddenly cast over that single-minded heart. As preparations for the 2021 tour began, her body rejected her feelings of giving it her best. It was supposed to be a job that she loved…

Sakurazaka46’s Kobayashi Yui talks about “what she learned after her short break” and “the things that she’d like to take on once more”.

"It made me remember what I loved the most"

 

During her hiatus, at first, there were jobs that made her feel, “Ah~, it’s sad that I’m not there!”

“For TV performances and concerts, I was able to think, “Since I’m on hiatus right now, it can’t be helped that I can’t join in”, but when I read an issue of “with” that I received without me in it, I was sincerely sad. That said, I bought clothes even during my hiatus, and when I went out, I styled my hair and put on a little makeup. And that’s when I realized it. That I liked dressing up fashionably the most since I was little. That this was where it all started for me. I felt like I was back in middle school, before I started my work. It made me sad to be away from the modeling job that filled me with the joy of returning to my roots.”

But that didn’t mean that the modeling industry was a place where she could relax. The feeling of nervousness each time was the same as any other job.

“I was always worried as I was being photographed each time, thinking, “Is this expression and pose okay?”. But everyone (the staff) would look at the monitor and say, “It’s cute!”, so I thought, “If they say it’s cute, then it’s OK”. That "cuteness" is not directed at me, but at the composition and lighting of the photo itself. So, if they feel that the photo is cute as a work of art, then I feel that I have done my job.”

After buying her first branded bag, she looks forward to her future fashion style

 

She strongly feels the changes in herself after the hiatus compared to before, but these changes are all things that she has gained through a kind of “subtractive lifestyle”.

“During my break, I lived a far from disciplined lifestyle, eating what I wanted to really eat, and sleeping when I wanted to sleep (laughs). But, doing that made people say, “your skin is so fair”. It’s important to care for yourself in various ways, but it made me think that it is also important to take it easy, relax, and have periods of rest.”

She didn’t do anything in particular to keep her body in shape for her return either.

“When I danced for the first time after my return, it was tough to be honest. The next day, my muscles were sore all over my body, much to my own surprise (laughs).”

Actually, during her hiatus, there was a big change to her fashion style as well. Right after her break started, she took the plunge and bought a branded bag, something she had never owned before.

“Branded bags are expensive, aren’t they? I’m someone who gets tired of things easily, so I never had the courage to buy one, thinking that it would be a waste if I bought it and then didn’t use it anytime soon. But I had been wanting a small bag for a long time, and as I browsed the internet, I found a bag with just the right size and a nice design, so I took the plunge and bought it. Until then, I thought that I should buy branded bags at a physical store, but I ended up buying it online (laughs). When it arrived, it was even cuter than I expected, so it gave me a cheerful feeling like, “I want to take this out!””

That's right. Being fashionable is also another form of entertainment that can be enjoyed by an individual. To have something that they want. To work hard so they can have it. To put it on and go out wearing it. That is what drives us to do our best every day. Yuipon has returned to her roots of simply “liking to dress up fashionably”, not from the perspective of an entertainer nor a model.

“Now, I keep it in a different place from my other bags, and take good care of it. I think it’s something that I’ll own for a lifetime, so I get excited when I think about what kind of clothes a more mature me will match with it.”

I wasn’t able to forgive my spoilt self, but now I’ve started to think “Oh, well”

For her, who loves entertainment through and through, there was one thing that she rejected during her hiatus — “TV dramas”.

“Every season, I would make sure I set up the recording times in advance for the drama series I am interested in, and watch them while looking forward to the next episode. But during my hiatus, I felt like I was going to end up thinking about work if I watched a drama, like, “Their acting is so good” or “I’d love to play this kind of role one day~”, so I was scared of it. But after I gradually returned in December last year, I watched everything that I recorded in one go over New Year’s. And I was surprisingly able to enjoy it from the perspective of just a ‘viewer’ (laughs). I think I’m no longer needlessly panicking, like “I need to do my best as well!”, when I’m spurred on by seeing great acting on-screen. That’s also something that I got out of my hiatus.”

As a performer, she always had a strong desire to constantly improve. Certainly, that diligent side of hers is also one of her charms.

“Before I took a hiatus, the reward I sought from working hard was “scoring new jobs”. I would think, “If I work hard here, this kind of job might come next. I have to make sure to connect the chances I receive to the next job”. I think I was really stressed from all those thoughts.”

But after this hiatus, the reward she sees from working hard has greatly changed.

“I’ll make plans to meet with my friends after finishing work. And I’ll work hard looking forward to it. I started to be able to think like that. Of course, I am passionate about the jobs that I want to do. But if my mind is filled with nothing but work, it makes me feel really down when things don't go my way. I came to realize the importance of having other things to look forward to other than work.”

Up to that point, once she decided to do something, she would go for it right away with everything she had. But when her body let out a yell, she realized something that should have been obvious: “my mind and body are connected after all”.

“The speed of work has also slowed down compared to before, so I’ve started to think that it’s okay for me to take my time in tackling things. For example, in the past, even when I thought “I’m not feeling too well today”, I would try to brave it out. But now, I’ll think, “I shouldn't push myself too hard”. And also, as soon as I get home now, I just feel like lazing around (laughs).”

As she talked about lazing around, she seemed a little embarrassed in her confession. Even though lazing around after work is something perfectly normal. If she couldn’t let herself do even that before her hiatus, then this period of rest has certainly been an ideal break for her to regain an indulgence befitting her 22 years of age and a sense that she is only human.

“There was a time where I didn’t allow myself to get spoiled, but now I’m also like “Oh well” about it (laughs). Instead of being fixated on reaching an ideal, like “it has to be like this”, it’s better to have fun with who I am in the moment. I feel that being able to think flexibly about things is one of my biggest changes.”

Until then, she was so strict with herself that she drove herself into a corner. Wanting to deliver more than what people expected of her. To aim for perfection if she’s able to. To be sure to succeed in the challenges given to her. Her many passions ended up bounding her. But being away from work and taking a step back to breathe, released her from those binds.

“During Kouhaku, I made a lot of mistakes, but I ended up laughing about it instead (laughs). Before, I would feel really down whenever I made a mistake, and it would stay on my mind for the longest time, but this time I was like, “Oh well! Nothing I can do!”. I even talked about it with the other members, like “I made a mistake here!” (laughs).”

In the past, she once said that she is “the type of person who is not only sensitive to her own mistakes, but also the ones made by the people around [her]”. But now, her mindset has become that of: “Let’s accept my imperfect self as something that shows I can still grow. Even if I panic, there’s nothing I can do, the road ahead is still long.”

“I think my way of thinking and my attitude might have become a little childish recently (laughs). I might be a part of the 1st generation members in the group, but age-wise I am among the youngest. Around the time the juniors came in, my awareness that “I have to grow up” grew stronger, so I stretched myself and didn’t ask others to spoil me. But now, when I am with the other 1st generation members, I’ve started to feel like talking to them in a more childish way. I thought that I didn’t have to put on such a mature act, and that interacting with everyone goofily feels surprisingly cozy (laughs). Now, I just let myself get increasingly spoiled by those who spoil me.”

On her thoughts for the future, she, who stopped being frantic, answered gently that “perhaps I don’t have to make up my mind”.

“Before, I tried to have clear goals such as I want to do this or that, but it made me run out of steam. So I wonder if perhaps it would be okay for me to be a bit more vague from now on. There are still many things that I don’t know in this world, and right now, I just want to dip my toes into all sorts of things. I’d like to go on a trip and experience different sights and sounds, and I want to meet people with different sensibilities. I want to meet more and more people and things that can enrich my long life.”

——————

Additional translation from a web article

Whether or not I get a result I want, I still give my best in each of my jobs.

 

As I improve myself little by little, goals like “I want to aim even higher” or “I want to do more of this kind of thing” form one after another. But knowing that not all of those goals will be realized, I’d like to continue to cherish what motivated me in the first place, and my stance of making a steady effort. Sometimes, I was troubled when I sought the results of my hard work, but I believe that those efforts will never be detrimental, and that they will serve as a positive experience for me. People around me often tell me, “You are really self-disciplined”, but it’s something that comes naturally to me.

When I looked at myself more objectively, I realized that I have always liked to work hard and hone my skills little by little. And the one thing that has remained unchanged at my core even after my hiatus last year, is my love of the entertainment industry and my desire to continue doing things that bring joy to people. That is something that I’d like to do both as a member of the group, and as a model. I will continue to move forward, giving shape to each of my efforts, while taking a long-term view of myself and taking good care of my mind and body!

——————

Translation: tmi

QC: cirrus

Raw: kiryu